This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
