i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
