he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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