He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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