It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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