I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
