I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
