My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
