I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize