her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
