Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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