He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
