my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
