i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
