I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
