i think i have herpe
just one?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
