You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
