Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
