Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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