Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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