tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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