so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
