i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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