Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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