I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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