hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
