spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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