Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
