In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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