I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
