I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
