Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
