Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you win again, gameday.
i came on her dog
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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