i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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