MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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