next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
