just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
