if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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