i will never coherently bang her
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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