I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
