We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
