I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
