Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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