not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize