Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm both gender and math confused
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
