Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
