Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
