pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
