anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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