just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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