i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
