I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
