I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
