Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize