why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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