Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
