I love black thongs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's always time for handjobs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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