I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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