considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
