Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
