Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
