True but thats because hes a fetus.
4 words: hood of his car
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize