yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
