I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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