why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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