Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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