he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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