I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
