he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
