So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You pole danced in your parka.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
