You just made me feel so damn special
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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