i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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