Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
COCAINE IS GR8
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
