Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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