Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize