it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
