I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
