hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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