nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
