hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
