i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
