I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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