A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
