I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
