I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
