We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
