i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your dad touched me again.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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