I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
