I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
