I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
