I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
