I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
