Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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