Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my poor anus
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
