What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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