I want to stick my p in your. b.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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