oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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