My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
