I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
