I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
only if we run a train.
done.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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