There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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