I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he fucked my hip out of place.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize