you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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