just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize