It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
