Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
