all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
