I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
