Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
