He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
