If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
