We won't sleep together?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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