No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
