Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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