exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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