just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
