Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
