there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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