I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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