Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
