We named our party play list daddy issues
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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