I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
