i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am one with the molecules
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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