Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
