I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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