We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
