They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
