Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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